Toxic People 7 Habits can destroy a Team & You

We all work with them, live near them or at the least know them – Toxic people. If you have been lucky enough to escape regular interactions with one of these people be grateful. Daily interaction with them can wreak havoc on your peace of mind and influence how you feel.

Toxic people have a serious of bad habits that on some level have worked for them so they continue to engage in these habits at the expense of those around them. In our personal lives it is a bit easier to get away from them but when it comes to work, we often end up trapped for 8 or more hours in an office where there is no escape from bad behavior.

Just as successful people spend a lot of time and energy doing things that cultivate success, toxic people spend the same (if not more) time and energy creating chaos. The crazy thing is that somehow there is a return on their investment in that they either get what they want or simply that they are allowed to continue with their antics.

Organizations can be slow to identify and take action on toxic employees – especially if they are a high performer or in a position of power. This leaves us to deal with them while managing our actions, reactions and emotions. It can be exhausting and deflating.

Toxic people have specific traits that can help you identify them. Sometimes knowledge is power and understanding their game can help protect you from negative outcomes or getting yourself tangled in their toxic web.

Below are 7 habits of highly toxic people:

1.      They are manipulative. The end goal for toxic people is to control the behavior of others. They get a sense of power and control from doing this. It can be as simple as knowing they got to you. Once they know they can control you, even in the most subtle ways, they believe they have you. There are a multitude of tricks they employ and they will try them all until they find the one that works. The best response when you sense you are being baited or manipulated is to disengage. The most effective strategy you have against them is to not allow yourself to be caught in up in their game.

2.      They are duplicitous. Toxic people love to play both sides of the fence. They can be highly critical of others behind their backs, while smiling to their face. When confronted with their actions they will quickly use phrases ranging from outright lies, “I never said that” to vague dismissals, “that isn’t what I meant”. If they are talking to you about others, know they are talking to others about you. It is always wise to steer clear of these conversations. Sometimes a simple head nod or “um-hum” can be twisted against you.

3.      They lack accountability. Everything that happens is always someone else’s fault in their view so there is no need for accountability. They are creative in who and how they can scapegoat into responsibility. Toxic people are strategic in their relationships and have a way of becoming the victim. Because of their manipulative personality, they are well skilled at garnering sympathy and attention for their victimization. This only reinforces their position and further decreases any need to accept fault. It is important to deal with facts and not feelings if confronting them on anything.

4.      They are inconsistent. One of the most confusing traits with toxic people is their inconsistent behavior. Today you are their best friend; tomorrow you are their worst enemy. They are shape shifters who change their mind, opinions, perspectives and behaviors on a whim so you are never quite sure how to approach them. They are kind when they want something but will turn on you in an instant. To deal with this, you must be ultra-consistent. Don’t waiver your behavior to adjust to theirs. Be neutral with them at all times , only dealing with what you know to be true and not giving into what you want to be true.

5.      They triangulate. Toxic people love to create drama and they can do this through triangulation. They love to divide and fracture. You will find them using vague terms such as: “someone told me…” or better yet they lead you to believe something about a specific person directly or indirectly. They will defend and deny when called out on this behavior, trying to cast doubt on your credibility. The best outcome for them is to make someone choose them over another. When faced with this situation, keep your comments few and when possible don’t have conversations with the toxic person alone.

6.      They deflect. The best defense is an offense and with the manipulative tendencies of toxic people they are masters of this. Whenever you try to approach them with concerns or feedback they will shift the conversation placing you on the defensive. They are not open to criticism and are completely disinterested in anyone’s point of view that isn’t aligned with their own. They are problem focused opposed to solution focused and will become frustrated if you try to propose solutions while presenting every reason that won’t work. Don’t’ allow yourself to be pulled into this battle. If you find yourself feeling the need to defend or a conversation shifting, keep focused on your purpose. State your case and walk away.

7.      They are self-focused. In the end, it is all about them and that is all toxic people are focused on. They are not interested in anything that has to do with anyone else and will resent attention being pulled away from them. They will show a lack of empathy for co-workers and be resistant to any kinds of team related activities that they are not the center of. Conversations will always shift back to them and in most cases they only listen long enough for you to stop talking so they can take over the conversation. They aren’t listening, just watching for their moment to resume control. Know who you are dealing with. Keep conversations professional and pointed.