When Memory Fades, Love Must Grow Stronger
❤️ When Memory Fades, Love Must Grow Stronger
A personal reflection on dementia, family, and the responsibility we carry with our hearts.
There is a moment in every child’s life when the roles quietly reverse.
The hands that once held us… now tremble.
The voice that once guided us… becomes unsure.
And the parents who once knew every path home… suddenly lose their way.
Dementia is not just a medical condition.
It is a slow unravelling of time — for them and for us.
Over the past years, I’ve seen glimpses of this through my own mother. Some days, she is the strong woman I grew up with — sharp, loving, dignified. Other days, she repeats the same sentence three times, or forgets why she entered a room. And as a son, that breaks me more than I can put into words.
But what keeps her safe, what keeps her protected, and what keeps her loved… is not me alone. It is my entire family — my siblings, my sister-in-law, my wife, my children — all of us moving like one big team with one shared purpose:
To honour the woman who once carried us.
🌼 What We Can Do When Our Parents Start to Forget
Dementia does not announce itself loudly. It whispers at first — small signs, little slips, mild confusion. And if we do not prepare, the consequences can be devastating.
Many families today face frightening situations:
- A father goes for a walk and never returns.
- A mother cannot recall her home address.
- Some are found wandering by strangers.
- Some are abandoned by families who cannot cope.
But abandonment is never the answer.
Love is.
Planning is.
Awareness is.
Here are real steps every loving family should take — not from Google, but from lived experience.
🧭 1. Safety First: Trackers, Wearables & Smart Devices
These are no longer “luxuries”. They are necessities, especially when we hear more and more cases of elderly parents getting lost or not finding their way home.
-
GPS Smart Tag / Necklace / Wristband
Small, light, and linked to your phone. It ensures you can locate your loved one instantly if they wander off. -
SOS Watch with Emergency Button
One press sends an alert to family members together with a live location. -
Smart Door Sensors
These alert you when your parent steps out at unusual hours, especially at night or early morning. -
Home CCTV in Common Areas
For safety, not spying. It lets you check in anytime, especially when you’re at work or out running errands. -
Simple Phone with Big Icons & Speed Dial
A phone customised for them: large fonts, clear buttons, and your number on the first speed-dial slot. -
Medical ID Card or Lanyard
A small card with name, address, key medical info, and emergency contact — in case a kind stranger finds them.
These tools don’t replace love — they extend it. They are our extra hands and extra eyes, so that if they are ever disoriented or lost, we can bring them safely home.
🧩 2. Build a Family System — Not a Burden on One Person
Dementia is not a one-man job. It is a team mission, and I’m grateful that my family understands this.
In our home:
- My siblings and I rotate responsibilities.
- My sister-in-law steps in with compassion and patience.
- My wife treats my mother like her own.
- The children are taught to show respect and gentleness.
- We communicate, update, coordinate and never leave one person overwhelmed.
In my household, it has always been: “We care together.”
No drama. No ego. No “this is your job, not mine.”
When a parent raises five children, surely five children can raise one parent at her most vulnerable moment.
🧡 3. Emotional Support: Love That Reassures, Not Corrects
People with dementia live in a different world — and the worst thing we can do is force ours on them.
Do not scold.
Do not argue.
Do not say, “You already told me that.”
Instead:
- Smile, even when they repeat the same story.
- Hold their hand to make them feel safe.
- Enter their world for a moment, instead of dragging them into ours.
- Use a calm tone, even when you’re tired.
Every calm moment we give them becomes a small victory. We cannot fix their memory, but we can protect their dignity.
🍲 4. Routine: The Strongest Medicine
Parents with memory loss depend on routine more than medicine. Routines anchor them when the mind feels unstable.
- Same meal times.
- Same walking times.
- Same resting or nap schedule.
- Same familiar faces and voices around them.
Routine is not boring for them — routine is safety. It reduces confusion, anxiety, and fear.
🧘♀️ 5. Moments of Joy Still Matter
Even if they can’t remember every detail, they remember love. They feel warmth. They recognise kindness.
Small gestures still mean the world:
- A short evening drive.
- Their favourite home-cooked dish.
- Old songs from their younger days.
- Simple jokes and light conversations.
- Family gatherings that make them feel included, not forgotten.
- A hug that says, “We are here with you.”
These moments may fade from their memory — but they stay in their heart.
❤️ The Truth I Learned Through My Mother
Some nights, when I see her sitting quietly, trying to recall something she cannot, my heart aches. As a son, I wish I could transfer my memory to her, just so she never feels lost.
But I remind myself:
When God gives us parents, He gives them strength to raise us.
When age takes that strength away, He gives us the chance to return the favour.
My family and I do everything we can — not because it’s an obligation, but because it is an honour.
One day, each of us will grow old too. When that time comes, what will matter most is not our career, money, or status… but whether we treated our parents the same way we hope our children will treat us.
🌺 To Anyone Caring for a Parent with Dementia…
You are not alone.
It is heavy at times.
It is frightening at times.
It is heartbreaking at times.
But it is also sacred.
There is no greater prayer, no bigger blessing, than caring for the very people who once cared for us.
Take precautions.
Use technology.
Create routines.
Build a family system.
Be patient.
Be kind.
Be present.
And above all —
Love them loudly before the memories fade quietly.
Written with love, respect and gratitude,
Amarjeet Singh @ AJ
A son, a caregiver, and a believer that family is the first and last team we ever belong to.
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